Don't Sell Yourself Cheap!

Everyone of us has his own price. I don’t mean the price of a personality, but the price of relationship. Everyone of us has to pay the price to have this or that relationship. The price is always different: acceptance, respect, constancy, loyalty, obedience, freedom, the right for a mistake, respect.

Last year there was a special day: 11/11/11. It happens once in a hundred years. Number 11 means revelation, I didn’t know it, but that day in the morning God gave me a very encouraging revelation, which helps until this day.

At that period I was at the conference in Cherkassy and in the first day there the Holy Spirit drew my attention to the fans that stood on the stage. I looked at them and thought that they were really very beautiful, I definitely liked them.

Next morning I thought about relationships between people and God reminded me about the fans. At first I didn’t understand, but He continued to speak.

Communism in Church

A friend of mine told me about her dream, which she had last week. The dream was about communists who took rower over the country and one of them came to her with a gun and insisted on her saying that she doesn’t believe in Jesus. She said that it was very scary, because they were everywhere, but she still didn’t say that.

When she told me her dream I understood it was not a simple one, it has something in it and I thought about it. We’ll have elections soon in our country and I thought that we should pray for the communists not take power over our country. But when I started to pray I understood that it was not what God wanted to show in this dream. I put the dream aside but couldn’t forget about it.

Conversation with the Husband

“Who is God?”

Some ask this question once in a lifetime, some every day. The question, that makes us think who is God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. God has many sides: Love, Savior, Teacher, Messiah, God of Forgiveness, and God of Healing.  He’s strict and just. At this moment of my life God opens to me as God the Father. He gives me His anointing, His love, His style of life. As the physical father God cares of me every second. He loves me no matter what! I love Him very much and desire His presence. Every time when He comes He’s different, because He knows my heart and what I need most of all at special period of time. He teaches me to love others. To look at people through His love.

A Long Story

I don’t know what to begin with. It’s funny for me not to know what to begin with. Yes, impossible is possible. But there really is a question: how to gather everything mixed with thoughts, heart and spirit. One time you want to say so many things but can’t find appropriate words and the best way to tell everything is to be quiet. But not this time! That’s why I start.

Part 1 Spiritual Invalid

“It’s not a wound, but trauma”, answered God my question why my wound can not be healed. I started to cry because immediately Holy Spirit reminded me about the story when God injured Jacob’s thigh and Jacob was crippled for the rest of his life. Applying this story to myself I understood that God is not going to heal me because my wound is not a wound but a trauma with which I’ll have to live for the rest of my life. But God would not be God if He hadn’t given me hope.

Rejection

I want to share my testimony that I received this spring about where the spirit of rejection lives and how it works. Of course, you may not believe me, because this is my personal revelation that Jesus told me. In the Bible, you will not find a Scripture which speaks directly about the spirit of rejection, but is the Bible the only word of God? After all, God speaks to us in many ways, and John wrote that all the books in the world will not be enough to write about what Jesus did and said. That’s why I do not hesitate, when I can not exactly find in the Bible what Jesus said to me, but when I ask Him to confirm what I was said or what I saw, then He shows me similar moments of Scripture.

Here's what I found out about this spirit. If you are not an exception, you have heard that you are a rejected person. But last spring God spoke to me, and it changed my thinking.

God Does not Like Photoshop

"God does not like Photoshop» - the phrase I heard recently. My friend said this after praying for a girl. And this girl started making excuses that the photo she had in facebook was her real, she just added some effects. To this my friend wisely smiled and said she did not mean it. I winked at her and realized what she meant, but I already went over the photos on my website in my mind.

Now, 3 months after the incident, I am so delighted to write this that I realized what my friend said, and even got through this!

False Prophesy

Last fall it was the first time in my life when I prophesied. It is ridiculous to admit, but I went to the church for 11 years and never prophesied. And for me too there were no   big prophesies, perhaps people prophesied to me two or three times in 11 years. I didn’t meet prophesies for many times in my life.

And after one man prophesied to me I realized that I would never want anyone to prophesy to me and would never prophesy to anyone. That prophecy brought a lot of pain in my life, because it was a false prophecy, and I closed my heart completely.

Good or Bad?

Since childhood our parents teach us what is good and what is bad - and that's good! One thing is when we do not know what is good and what is evil and they give us in the ground. But it is quite another thing when we, who have reached the age of maturity, keep sharing everything around us to the "good or bad". Separation is absorbed into our thinking so much that we have lost unity.

I think that one of the greatest sorrows is that man is divided within himself. We constantly divide ourselves into good or bad, and because of this it is so difficult for us to live in harmony. What do you think when Jesus says to you, "You are the light of the world" or "You are the salt of the earth"? My first reaction is: I can not be the light and the salt, I'm not so good. But the secret is that He does not ask me to be salt and light, He says that it is the fact.

Mistakes of the Past

A few months ago I looked into the eyes of Jesus and noticed something that I had never seen before. I never noticed where He looks. I looked into His eyes and He looked into mine. Previously, I paid attention to where I look, and now I'm looking into the eyes that look at me. I've never seen such a look, it completely captured me, all of me and I was very scared. It was scary how close and focused was His look. I would continue to look at Him, but I did not want Him to look at me like He did.

I knew that then something would happen and I was right. He told me the following: "As long as we do not deal with your past, we will not go anywhere." Now I understand why I was so scared and embarrassed, Jesus was really going to get me back into the past. Oh, how I did not want that! Probably, there is no greater punishment than put the old skeletons in the closet outside. I certainly know I'm not perfect and a lot of things are done wrong, but one thing is to know and another thing to realize. I was really scared to go back.

Oh, how wrong I was! It was a way not backward, but forward. I expected to fall, but I took off!

Obsessed!

One day I was called a freak. I just needed help and shared with certain people about my relationship with the Lord. I told that it's difficult for me when I do not understand God. I opened up my secret relationship with the Lord, and smart people  listen to it and decided to tell me the truth. True, in their opinion, was the fact that "there is a passion for God, and there is an obsession." Well, since I felt really bad because I could not hear His voice and understand Him, they thought I was possessed. They  told me to  relax and not to try  to understand the mind of God because it is impossible. But  I can not agree with them,  it is not true! I can understand the mind of God because I have the mind of Christ. I'm not afraid to let Christ into my brain, so that He was there to put things in order.

At first, I was very hurt because I was used to hearing this word in a negative light. Usually this word is used in combination with a demonic force, and few people would be delighted if you would call them obsessed. No matter in what way  those people were talking about me  I still had negative reaction.

Feedback

Agree that many things in our lives we do with the expectation of the reaction to our action. It starts from early childhood. When children break their mother's favorite vase, they know in advance her reaction to it. When in school, we do not do the home task, we know that we will have the bad mark . And so it continues throughout our lives.

But the response is not always as we expect. So when we first encounter with such a situation, in the future we fear unpredictable response. When a little girl says a boy about her feelings, she has no idea that they may be rejected. But with this it all begins.

The Main Characters

One man told me a very important and deep story that has helped me to change the direction of my thoughts. The idea is that one of his acquaintances was about to die, but God definitely made it clear that she would be healed. And this man, like any of us, believed God and was confident that the healing will pass away. But in a very short time the woman died, and he was in shock. He had not expected such turn of events! And when he was angry at his disappointment, God said to him, "Why do you think that I have not healed her?" At this point, a man realized that his friend was healed in Heaven.

      The fact is that before her death God showed how much pain was in the life of the woman, and of course the man realized that God will heal her completely. It is so interesting that we properly hear and understand God, but do not always understand what He is going to do. God has kept His word, He healed her completely and she is now happy with Him in Heaven.

Closeness

Walking with Jesus is a journey. The relationship with Him is always different and they can never be predicted. More recently, I was so close to Him that I  heard every beat of His heart. I could feel His breath and His smell. When He spoke to me His words dissolved me. When I was scared, I closed my eyes, firmly pressed against His chest, and He walked me through fear.

But there are times when I do not feel Him so close. And now is such a period. I know that He did not leave; I just do not have such closeness as before. I can feel His eyes on me, but I can not find Him. I was in the service and felt very clearly how Jesus looks at me, I started to look for Him. I turned to the right, to the left, looked up, down, forward and back. I looked for His presence throughout the territory and in all the corners, but could not find. It's a horrible feeling.

Marina

Life  passed very quickly somehow and I did not notice a lot of things. And, apparently, God  was tired to watch me run and told me that as long as we cope with the past, we will not go forward. Now the fruit of repentance grows inside me. I have no idea what lies ahead, but cleaning my past is very detailed. And I'm sorry that I loved so few of those who love me for real.

You've been with me from the beginning, you were the first whom God has given me  to love you, and all the opposite happened. As soon as you came into my life, you just started to love me more. You were the first who fought for me with me!

Hypocrisy

Remember the parable about the talents, Matt. 25: 14-30: "One man went to a foreign country, and instructed the servants of his estate. To one he gave five talents, to another - two and to the third – 1 talent. Talent is the monetary unit. The first two have used them in business and earned profits, gave Mr. profitably. But the third dripped money, and when he came to the master, the servant said that he was afraid of the owner and the severity of him, he dripped, and the money returned to him as much as he gave him. And the lord said to the third servant "wicked and slothful servant," you knew I was a strict "on that you had to give my money ... that would get me a profit." And that servant was «thrown into darkness, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth."

Often this story is interpreted in such a way that we should not bury our talents, and use what God gives us and multiply it. But actually I think this parable is not talking about what the third servant did wrong, but that God always sees our hearts, and we can never fool God.

Take Me Back!

I do not know what to do next. Who am I, Lord? I was lost among all these templates. Please take me back, Daddy! I was robbed by human standards. Where am I and who am I? I do not know. There are so many willing to help all around me , but can they help me? They do not know who I am that’s why only You can help me.

Return the one you created to Yourself.

I'm sorry, that at imperceptible moment I was replaced by a different, more convenient to the public, person. I thought that it should be. I believe those who tell me what I should be, and lose myself. I thought it would be better if I would be like they say me to be.  And the worst thing, Dad, I was sure it was me. But it was a lie! How am I mistaken!

Love For Real

I am taught that love is a decision. But lately I think that it’s absolutely not. I'm not saying that my statement is the truth, these are just my thoughts. Those who invented such a phrase are much smarter and more experienced than me. But all the same, I have to think my own head.
God does not love me by the decision! God has not made a decision to love me! He just loves me, and no one and nothing can change it, because He is LOVE.
I was taught in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13, " love is long-suffering, goodness, love is not envious, is not puffed up, believeth all things, hopeth all... And  if you love, you decide to tolerate, to cover with  grace, not to be proud, not to be jealous ...

I have a husband, whom I love very much. And frankly, I don't remember at what moment I decided to love him. There wasn’t such a moment.

My Heart Is Not Mine

Giving our hearts to God, we somehow think that He would put it in a camera store and will keep it until we meet with Him in heaven. I imagined this picture on a minute: God sits in a large study at a large table and signs every heart: « So, this Mary’s, and this is Pal’s...», and behind Him is a large wardrobe with cameras. Looking at this picture, I realized that, in fact, it is foolish. God is not like the Director of the Bank, to whom you can give away your valuables, so that He guarded them! It seems to me that God is more like the investor.
I give Him my heart, and He invests it in others. There is a wonderful verse in the Bible that whoever wants to save his life, shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for Christ's sake, shall find it. Amazing spiritual law!

The Value of the Soul

What could be more valuable than the soul? I often hear the phrase "I am ready to sell my soul, if only something happened..." The price of our souls is very high! I wonder: why?

We, as Christians, often focus on the spirit. We often think about the growth of the spiritual man, and  lose sight of our souls. And  we not only  to treat ourselves in such a way, but put the same criteria set for others. A person with a strong spirit is more valuable for us than  a person with a pure heart. We are more interested in communicating with a person who is able to see in the Spirit, move in the Spirit, who has the gifts of the Spirit ... and stop paying attention to friendliness, sincerity, simplicity, or simply humanity. And we sometimes miss people who have beautiful soul.

I Can, Because I Love!

This morning I woke up and heard the phrase: «I can, because I love!».

After some time I saw the picture, as I stand in front of a big city, which is surrounded by tall and thick wall. I stood in front of the gates which are open, but I am not in a hurry to go there, I`m just standing in front of them. And as soon as I realize that I love I boldly cross the threshold of this city.

Depth of Freedom

God gave me freedom. The freedom to be myself, to be free from people's opinions, freedom from an inferiority complex... freedom from many things. Often the freedom is associated with the flight and I agree with this. Because when I look at the birds that are flying and it gives an impression that the forces of gravity don`t exist for them - they're free. I like this feeling of freedom and I really appreciate it. But freedom has depth.

The People of the New Covenant

Jeremiah 31: 31-34

«Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, when I will make with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah a new Covenant, not of this which I made with their fathers in the day when I took them by the hand to bring out of the land of Egypt... But this is the Covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days (Babylonian captivity), says the Lord:

I WILL PUT MY LAW IN ВНУТРЕНОСТЬ THEM, AND WRITE IT IN THEIR HEARTS; AND WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE. And they shall not teach each other saying, know the Lord : for they shall all know Me...»

The Secret Stories

If you make a hit parade of the most memorable of Jesus' miracles, the first place, unconditionally, will take - Jesus walking on the water, and the second is the story of how Jesus fed 5 thousand people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.

Question: «From where they have come - these 5 loaves and 2 fish?»

In the Bible the story is described in all 4  messages of the disciples of Jesus, but only in the last, in John, you can find the answer to the question. The bread and the fish belonged to the boy, of whom nobody knows anything. But everybody knows the miracle that Jesus did with the bread and the fish.

God Made Me for Himself

Little more than a year ago in my adult life burst Awakening. And a little later it brought me the realization that I don't know who I am and what I am. I clearly know what I should be - a daughter, a wife, a sister, a leader, what I should be to be loved by the society. Everything was written and understandable. But after I woke up, I realized with horror that I’d lost myself among all these scenarios written by human morality and culture.

Not easy period started in my life, which I conventionally called as God spoke: «Let Me introduce Kalina to Kalina». In other words, God acquainted me with myself.

Soap Bubbles

Yesterday I was sitting on the ministry and saw bubbles. I saw a man inflated them and admired: «Oh, what beauty, what a beautiful bubble I blew up». And I saw someone else who was looking forward to burst the bubble, so that the man saw that all this was emptiness. I can't say who the second person was: God, the devil or a man. But there was a grin on his face.

And today I was thinking about this blog, perhaps it is also a bubble and there is nothing significant in it. But on the other hand I saw a huge plus.

Misunderstanding

Sounds strange, but sometimes lack of understanding brings blessing. It seems to me that God gets a lot of fun, when my eyes fall out of orbit by surprise! He definitely likes to amaze me with His thinking.

Yesterday, my friend and I returned home from Kiev and were very tired, because before that we’ve already spent 3 hours on the road, and plus it was very stuffy. We decided to go to the bus that was nearby. 


We walked up to the driver, and I asked: «Could you take 2 of us to Zhitomir for 20 UAH?» He began to behave strangely: « You don’t want to change the big money, or you have just wasted all the money, haven’t you? Drunk up everything in Kiev, and now don’t have cash to get home!»

I am Looking for You, Dad!

Where are you, dad? It's hard without you! So many things are happening in my life. I want to tell you everything so much! We often talk about you with Heavenly Father. That’s why I know that you’re my best.  I don’t know you yet, but Daddy knows you and He likes you. He put in my heart dream about you. To tell the truth you can be easily confused with others, but God leads me and encourages me for me to look for you, one that He has provided me. 

The last time we were speaking about you I asked God that He gave me you as soon as possible because the older I get the more I understand how much I need you. New territories are opening before me and I can’t be without you. I need your support and care, your advice and faith.

Everything will be Fine!

Now I have such a period in my life when I can’t go back and can’t go ahead – may I die? 

One time, and recently, I have already experienced such a feeling. When I knew that something was happening but couldn’t explain it. It was scary to go ahead, I didn’t know why – it was just scary. But at the same time I couldn’t go back to the previous way of existence. The only thing that I wanted at that time was to dissolve in time as if I have never existed in this world. To disappear right now at this very moment! Urgently, until there is time to move forward. 

I’m Burning with Anger!

How can it be! How long can it happen! When will it stop? How long will the church be filled with confusing doctrine? When will people get tired of spreading the teaching of the Letter and when will the Truth spread its wings? When will this church fashion of spiritual masochism and sadism, the epoch “Woe from wit” end? When will the new era begin – the era of “Knowledge of the Truth”? We teach and teach all the time but still cannot comprehend the truth (2 Timothy 3:7) – it is sad. To be honest, I’m already sick of the teaching of the Letter.

Paradox

How often we’re misleading ourselves and others. Many people say that it is an art to speak in public. I would say that to learn how to listen and to hear yourself is also an art. We’re often deceived and don’t notice our own contradictions. First, we reject the person and then pray that he could feel acceptance and love, we pray against the spirit of rejection – isn’t it the paradox?

Or teach someone to do something and then shout that he does everything in a wrong way. And in addition can still say: “Who taught you so?” Maybe we should look in the mirror more often?

Psychology - Golden Calf

In the lives of many psychology has become the Golden calf, which we believe, trust and accept as truth. Psychology in our time has become an idol. How often one can hear such an expression «EVEN psychologists confirm it». What nonsense! Even psychologists - they are ordinary people, and the psychology is simply a science. When psychologists have become for us, Christians, authority? Reading the Bible and meditating on His word, we are surprised by the fact that EVEN psychologists say the same thing that God! Hey, people of God, wake up!

The Hands in the Blood

Some days ago I had a vision: I stay in the church, worship God, look at my hands and see that they’re covered with blood. I didn’t understand at first what that was and why it was on my hands. When I asked Jesus what blood it was He didn’t say anything and just looked at me. In His look I could only read: “I’m so sorry” And because He didn’t answer I began to guess suggesting different variants and watching His reaction.

It was like the game “Field of Miracles” where Dad thinks of the word, leader – Jesus knows the word but is silent and the Holy Spirit is my tip.

There is no duty in the relationship

Let’s do a little test. Ask yourself a question: “Have you ever been disappointed in God?”  It’s a simple question, thanks to which one may check relationships of people and God. Personally I answered: “Yes!”  As I think, many of you did. There is no right answer here, as we got used to think that every question has the right answer. The most important thing is to answer as it really is. We need to dig deeper instead of searching on the surface.

Adults are not real

I don’t want to grow – adults are not real! When you look at them you never know what they feel in reality. They are so clever that they have learned how to control their emotions. When they are fun they don’t laugh, when it hurts – they don’t cry. They think that tears are the sign of weakness. What nonsense! Even more nonsense is when they feel bad but they smile and say that everything is great. They want always feel strong.

Daddy’s Genes

Sure you have heard for many times that we all are children of God. God is our Father and we are adopted through Jesus Christ. And because we are His children His genes, His DNA is in us. To tell the truth, I have never understood these phrases. To tell that I knew who was God the Father means to tell lies. Until recently God the Father was for me absolutely distant personality.

How could He not cry?

Recently I had a vision of Jesus crying. I asked Him, why He was crying and He answered me: “How could I not cry?!” He showed me only several episodes of what is happening in the world. After this my heart started crying itself: “How could He not cry?”

How could He not cry if salt is no longer salt and light is hidden by the darkness? If His children are ashamed to be who they are?