Everything will be Fine!

Now I have such a period in my life when I can’t go back and can’t go ahead – may I die? 

One time, and recently, I have already experienced such a feeling. When I knew that something was happening but couldn’t explain it. It was scary to go ahead, I didn’t know why – it was just scary. But at the same time I couldn’t go back to the previous way of existence. The only thing that I wanted at that time was to dissolve in time as if I have never existed in this world. To disappear right now at this very moment! Urgently, until there is time to move forward. 

I remember that I asked Jesus what happened to me at that time. And He answered: “This is panic.” I didn’t quite understand what He wanted to say but panic was exactly the state I was in. 


Then I saw a warrior who had the battle at the dawn. He behaved strangely though the war for him was not a surprise.  He consciously understood what tomorrow would bring. Looking closely at him I understood that he felt exactly what I did. He was in panic. There is no way back, he’s in the army and there is the battle tomorrow. I looked at him and thought: “How is he going to fight if he’s so afraid?” «The fight is not as scary as engage in battle» - said Jesus. 


Many nerves pass before the fight. And in war as in war you forget about everything and do what you’re supposed to do – fight. In the war you’re the participant of the battle, but before the battle you feel fear of unexpected. It’s amazing that during the battle all the abilities and skills of the warrior are activated. But before the battle the warrior doesn’t realize what power is hidden inside him. Real courage is when only you know how much you’re scared. 


I looked at this warrior and I wanted to encourage him so much that I started to talk to him. I knew that he didn’t see and hear me but still I talked. It looked like you’re watching TV football match and talk to the players through the TV.  You realize that they don’t hear you but still you try to explain something to them. 
“Don’t panic” – I said. Just wait a little; it’ll be easier in the morning. In the morning the battle will begin and you’ll understand that everything is OK. If you are here, in this time, in this place it means, you will do it! 
Jesus smiled and said: “You see you calmed down yourself” I smiled in response having realized that I had just the same pre-war period. 


I don’t have to panic because everything will be OK. Because it’s not my war it is the war of God, it is His battle and here He leads the parade. That’s why in any case we will win! And my personal victory is to wait for the dawn, to fight and to trust the skillful Leader. And everything will be OK!