Love For Real

I am taught that love is a decision. But lately I think that it’s absolutely not. I'm not saying that my statement is the truth, these are just my thoughts. Those who invented such a phrase are much smarter and more experienced than me. But all the same, I have to think my own head.
God does not love me by the decision! God has not made a decision to love me! He just loves me, and no one and nothing can change it, because He is LOVE.
I was taught in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13, " love is long-suffering, goodness, love is not envious, is not puffed up, believeth all things, hopeth all... And  if you love, you decide to tolerate, to cover with  grace, not to be proud, not to be jealous ...

I have a husband, whom I love very much. And frankly, I don't remember at what moment I decided to love him. There wasn’t such a moment.

Love has grown in me, or rather God planted a seed of love to my husband and to this day it grows. And I noticed such a thing, that love does not depend on my decision. During 9 years we passed a lot of very difficult situations, and when we got married, there were even worse moments!  But our family was always saved not by the decision, but by love. We did not make the decision to tolerate each other, be good to each other, always believe, but love has made this decision for us! If my husband loved me because of the decision he made I would not be with him just like he wouldn’t be with me. Love is something that you can't control - and this gives confidence!  Whatever my husband would do, whatever he would  tell me or however he was wrong, the result would be: long-suffering, goodness... because I love him and he loves me! I could be mad at him, curse, prove something, offend, do not to talk, slam the door and leave, at such moments I can even be sure, that this is the end and that there is no more patience and energy. And he, in his in turn, can think so. But love is something that does not depend on me. I didn’t take the decision to love him, and, therefore, can't make a decision not to.

I remember the first time I said to my husband that I love him. We were teachers in the camp. I don't remember now, what he did, but I remember that it was really something serious. I sit and I feel so terrible, yell at him: how could you do it, what were you thinking about... “ Well, continue in the same way. I tell him all this and  feel so bad inside, then I look at him and see flowers blooming in my heart. I didn't realize at first  - is that a joke?! I've been sitting here, upset, angry at him, but in my heart I have butterflies flying.
I paused for a few minutes and said that I love him. He did not expect, because, in spite of the fact that we have been together for almost a year, I didn't tell him that I love him. Yes, I liked him, and I was in love with him, but t I didn't feel love. Having sympathy, you may decide to develop a relationship or not. Sympathy can appear to many people, but you're going to spend the rest of his life not with everyone. That’s why I think, that there is the time of a «decision», but it is not a decision to love. Decisions can be on those things that you can control: sympathy and passion. But even these things become uncontrollable, when love comes in. But as long as there is no love, all this can be controlled by your choice.

Recently, God is showing me that I may have such a love to everyone. Of course not exactly such as to my husband, but in fact the very love I told about. Love, which does not depend on my decision. And such people are already in my life. No matter what they do I am not able to stop it, I just love.

I noticed that when I hear such words: «I love you» or «I make the decision to love you” all this looks like a favor. The man makes me a favor by loving me. Funny! God doesn’t love me in such a way, and this is the glory of God! God doesn't make an effort to love me, on the contrary when I see that somebody's trying to love me so hard, I don't want to be loved. And I don't want to love in such a way. It is human love, which will fall in difficult situation. The stronger the decision is, the more complex will be the situation, and all the same, sooner or later this kind of love will fall apart. Then what's the point?

It’s easy to understand with an example. As a child I didn't want to go to school, especially when there was a test. And that's what I did: I was pretending in front of my mother that I got sick, and did one thing for the thermometer to show high temperature. My mother, looking at me and at the thermometer, piously believed that her daughter got sick and left me at home. And I was happy and healthy sitting at home. So what did I do? I knew, what the symptoms of the disease were and just tried to look in such a way. Now if we pretend that that love is the disease? then, what Paul says in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 are  the symptoms. And in fact we learn to depict symptoms (long-suffering, goodness, to trust all, to hope all, to be not proud...) at the time when we are not ill, when we don't love.

We will adapt to love, but will not love. We can adapt to anything, because we were taught so. We are taught who are Christians, who is a friend, who is a wife or a husband, we even learned who God is and we pretend that we know of Him.
But the truth is that we need to just stop go through the motions and not be afraid to live.

Not to be afraid of having a disease called Love. Because when you love you ask yourself a question: how long am I going to stand it? But the soft voice inside answers: for a long time - a lifetime! Or you will ask yourself: do you believe him? He's lying, he does not write! And then you’ll answer: I know that he doesn’t write, but still believe and hope. And you're not pretending, but love for real. And the real love brings real life. Love for real - it is a risk, but it's worth it!