Marina

Life  passed very quickly somehow and I did not notice a lot of things. And, apparently, God  was tired to watch me run and told me that as long as we cope with the past, we will not go forward. Now the fruit of repentance grows inside me. I have no idea what lies ahead, but cleaning my past is very detailed. And I'm sorry that I loved so few of those who love me for real.

You've been with me from the beginning, you were the first whom God has given me  to love you, and all the opposite happened. As soon as you came into my life, you just started to love me more. You were the first who fought for me with me!

 You were about 12 years old when we met - just a kid, and I was on a course of 17, the same child. 11 years have passed since then, and I still remember how I held my first home group. I expected you and Ira, and  thought  you wouldn’t come, but you were waiting for me at the entrance. I miss for the time when you were in my life. Following my memories of how I was sitting in a cafe with your mom and talked with her about you. I remember how she didn’t  let you go to the youth ministry, and I begged her to trust  God. Just remember how we were getting ready for your prom, as I was worried that you were the most beautiful. Yes, somehow a lot of good memories. But  I recall more the last few years when we have had a very difficult relationship.

You've just grown very quickly, and I did not. You were beginning to understand the things that were not available to me. And I remember when you tried to pick the password to me and explain some points, but I did not understand. You had a message for me, and I did not read you! God sent you to me for me to become better, but I ignored you. I'm sorry!

I'm sorry that al this happened with us. It is unbearably painful to realize that our paths diverged, and they will never meet on this earth. I want you to know that the love that you sowed in me, it  broke through. You loved me was not in vain. Yes, maybe I realized it too late, and you will not return it. But you were the first to try to get through to me!

I know, I can not return to the time when you needed me and it's hard. On the one hand I am glad all you have in your life right now is different, and that  around you there are people who understand and love you. But, on the other hand I’d like you to say that you still love me ...

Remember, when  in Kharkov you said you forgave me for all and have nothing to regret. At that time I was quite proud to hear and understand you. I remember that I even cried after these words. I thought it was so bad that you could not see my pain, because I was too hard. And recently, God has given me chance to live your prayers for me ... I'm sorry that I loved you so little! I had to love you more! All the 8 years that you were here. I could be the one whom you needed so much. Sorry I did not trust you and was not fair to you.

I do not pray to God to put our roads together, because I understand that if I am with you, neither you nor I will reach to where Daddy leads us. You have your way, and I have mine. But you should know that I am very grateful to God that you have been in my life. I sincerely pray that all your dreams come true and make you happy! That God bless you beyond what you gave me. You deserve it!

And if you can, just do not forget me, because in heaven we will meet and talk about our lives.