Obsessed!

One day I was called a freak. I just needed help and shared with certain people about my relationship with the Lord. I told that it's difficult for me when I do not understand God. I opened up my secret relationship with the Lord, and smart people  listen to it and decided to tell me the truth. True, in their opinion, was the fact that "there is a passion for God, and there is an obsession." Well, since I felt really bad because I could not hear His voice and understand Him, they thought I was possessed. They  told me to  relax and not to try  to understand the mind of God because it is impossible. But  I can not agree with them,  it is not true! I can understand the mind of God because I have the mind of Christ. I'm not afraid to let Christ into my brain, so that He was there to put things in order.

At first, I was very hurt because I was used to hearing this word in a negative light. Usually this word is used in combination with a demonic force, and few people would be delighted if you would call them obsessed. No matter in what way  those people were talking about me  I still had negative reaction.

For many times in my life I was called names, humiliated, insulted, and not understood, but  never in such a way. Perhaps because those were not ordinary people, their voice has real importance for me. I was really crying a lot.

Thank God, that up to the blow He had already told me that I am normal, and I was not wrong! The fact is that I have a set of character traits that usually bring people discomfort. This is curiosity, perseverance, obsession, I like to explore the world around Him, and I ask a lot of questions. Typically, people do not like when they are hammered on the same subject. If the answer to me is vital, it is rare when I agree to the simple answer, I need to understand the answer, not just hear it. And of course in my relationship with the Lord I am the same.

When I first thought whether  it's normal that I'm trying to understand myself and Him God reminded me of me at school. In high school I was not to clever, I always had to make an effort to get a proper assessment. One day, a teacher of Ukrainian language said to my mother: "If your daughter not even try she won’t get  a good mark" Perhaps this teacher did not know that there is  God! When I moved to another school I fell in love with knowledge, I liked to study. The secret was in the teachers, they believed in each student. And God reminded me how I solve math problems. Oh, how I loved to solve complex problems and to simplify the equation. If one could see my heart, it would be accurate to say that I'm obsessed, but I actually enjoyed what I was doing. Great joy came to me when my response coincided with the correct answer at the end of the tutorial. I did not drive for knowledge, I have not had a superb sense of solving the problem, just that I liked math. In this memory God showed me that my behavior is part of my character, part of me. And it is He who created me so that He would use me.

For me I had such a parallel that God is my math. It is impossible to know the entire math, it's a big science, but this fact does not stop me from solving an equation or her tasks. Similarly, God can not be known completely but it does not stop me from getting to know Him from all sides. Let the part I seem obsessed  be not pleasant, but I will survive, because it is an indescribable joy when I can not understand God. Most often when I do not understand what He says to me or what happens by my perseverance He reveals to me in such beauty, for which one can die. I like to know the Lord! There are so many mysteries, and He likes it when I get it! He was always open to me and never concealed anything. He's my friend, and friends have no secrets from each other! Well, except that when He wants to give me a surprise or a gift. And so He is always ready to answer to me, and it's a great joy to open Him in fullness in which He comes to me.

God always tells me that He is not a man! Yes, He lives in  people, but the man is not God and God is not a man! Remember how Jesus washed the disciples' feet? He said: you do not understand what I’m doing but later you'll understand”. I do not try to understand God the same second, but if it is an important question, I'm leaving it until He tells me what it was! And then comes the incredible intimacy and joy from such communication. He comes to me and I love to know Him. And they may call me obsessed, maybe they are right!

I am possessed by my Beloved! When He comes to me, I do not control myself and are ready for crazy things.

I am possessed by His Word! Many times I felt like I was falling into the Bible or as the Word  embraced me.

We are all different, because are created for different heights. Some simply hear God and are ready to go – I am excited by these people. I'm different. I find it hard to say what I do not know, to sing about what I did not survive, or  teach what I didn’t get through. Let everyone be what God created him! And let us always remember, no matter how super-duper spiritual a man is, it is not the fact that his opinion coincides with that of God, and we humans  do not always understand each other correctly. So the most important thing is to always be who you are.